Every thought or free choice you make and every behaviour and action you take are all based in love or fear. Fear contracts. It closes us down. It wraps us tightly in its clutches. Love, on the other hand, opens us up, gives itself away, holds us close and then lets us go.
We were born into love but have learnt to live in fear. This makes us feel less than, not worthy of. We default to taking actions sponsored and powered by fear and not love. We expect rejection in our relationships. We play power games with the people in our lives so that we feel better. Just like a bully. Or worse. Just like a victim. We compete instead of collaborating. Our feedback is negative. We see obstacles in our way not possibilities on our way. We query our ability to do our work, to make a contribution.
In this fear-based process of ‘being’ we disengage and disconnect from ourselves. We begin to feel out of control and so we go into frenzied, frantic over-control, creating a tsunami around us. We are technically at war. We are inconsistent, sucking each other dry instead of quenching each other’s thirst. Whatever happened to loving. Where has the poetry gone? It’s been replaced by labels, criticism, judgements and assumptions about either the situation or the other. Newness, spontaneity, honesty, love between human beings and growth are sacrificed on the alter of fear.
We need to find our way towards the light again. To journey to our authentic selves powered by love, not driven by fear. We must surround ourselves with people who build us and do not suck us dry like energy vampires. Ask yourself this question when deciding whether someone is worth spending time with: When I am with them do I feel more than or less than? You will get an instant answer and you will know immediately if this relationship (personal or professional) is based on fear or love.
Claim your space. Claim your time. Claim your energy. Observe and feel who the energy vampires are in your life. Who is sucking your energy? Who is transient (temporary)? Who is inherent (permanent)? Who comes into your life and causes you to lose your center? Be aware of those people and be wary of them until you know whether they are coming into your life out of fear or love. You need to try and remain affectionately detached. I love this concept of affectionate detachment shared with me by a friend. I don’t know whose original concept it is, unfortunately, so apologies to the author!
Here is part of a personal journal entry of mine on the matter of affectionate detachment – the day I ‘got it’:
“I had lost my center for a few days and now I have it back because I chose where my awareness was going because there followed my energy. I had to redirect my awareness to redirect my energy. I have a choice. I always have a choice. If I had but four hours to live, what would I do? I would pull in all my scattered energy and focus it acutely. Concentration, the ability to pay voluntary attention, and willpower, is a mental muscle. Be kind, loving, sincere and genuine while staying affectionately detached. Good wisdom to live by.”
The bottom line is that you need to be like a skunk and sniff the energy vampires out. It will pay you huge dividends if you develop skunk awareness!
Human Potential and Parenting Expert, speaker and author: Helping you win at work and life